Actually, it’s been a damn long while since I posted anything here. Good things are happening advocacy wise, I was named to the 2014 Medicine X Honor Roll and I’ll be part of a panel discussion on patient generated data at Health Datapalooza in May. The kind folks over at DSMA Live invited me over for a chat on April 2 and I’ll also be returning to Palo Alto this September as a Medicine X ePatient Scholar for 2015, doing an Ignite speech this time around.
Since I attended Medicine X last fall, I really haven’t had the urge to post anything. Does this mean I’m done blogging and advocating? I don’t know… I sometimes wonder if I feel like I’ve accomplished something. Just wish I knew what the hell it was.
One of my main topics has always been depression and chronic illnesses, especially diabetes. About how we simply can’t successfully treat one without treating the other. In the past year, that topic has taken a much more prominent spot in conversations taking place. This is fantastic to see and what is even better is that many of these voices are louder and more influential than I. Maybe I feel that I no longer need to carry that flag as much.
I recently attended the inaugural Diabetes Unconference which, by the way, is a lot like HIPAA because I can’t tell you. Or maybe it’s a little more Taoist as he who tells was not there and he who was there cannot tell…
But anyway, the main reason I went was to see if I could sort some of this crap in my head. It really didn’t help much though I did really enjoyed being there with such fantastic people and catching up with old friends and meeting new ones.
I think part of the issue involves how I’ve felt about things in general lately. I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin. Maybe, somewhere along the way, I’ve found some type of closure with all the guilt, shame and other baggage that I’ve dragged around all these decades.
I’ve also found myself being a lot more judicious with my energy, saying ‘no’ more often and trying to be mindful about day-to-day situations, actively deciding what thought or emotion was going to get dealt with now and which ones can wait until I decide to deal with them later.
Being a caregiver is still a burden at times, but I seem to be able to cope better most days. Depression is still a weight I drag around and I suspect I always will, some days it just weighs a lot less than it does on other days.
I guess I just don’t feel the need to be as loud a voice, at least for myself. But I’ve also written for those who either aren’t as comfortable with their own skin yet or are yet to come. So what should I do? I simply don’t feel the passion I used to have about all this, but who knows?
I sure has hell don’t.
© 2015 Scott Strange, Strangely Diabetic and http://StrangelyDiabetic.com