The next few months were something of a blur. I spent the better part of the first two months sick which finally wrapped up with a case of pneumonia. I also attended the JDRF Government Day event in DC talking about adults needing support, blogging and social media, I spent most of that weekend DKA due to a bottle of dubious insulin.
My next endo appointment showed a full percentage point rise in my A1c, luckily I have a great endo as she said “given the circumstances, that doesn’t seem like a problem”.
I was also getting used to the role of caregiver, always being on “point”. I had been living basically alone for several years, so now having someone else around took some getting used to. I had set up the basement like it was an apartment, so I had audio monitors in the living room and my bedroom so I could keep an “ear” on things upstairs.
Mom was still very much in the recovery phase from her illnesses, but was getting therapy several times a week and was growing stronger and more confident everyday. I still worried quite a bit about whether I knew enough to properly care for her and my siblings were helping out during this period as well.
I found myself becoming exhausted after a few months even though I was being something of a slave driver and making mom do as much for herself as possibly could. Looking back, I believe that was the right approach but at the time I felt guilty (really? me guilty?) about doing so.
I was able to get a few breaks like a fantastic trip to the Friends for Life conference in Orlando where I met so many of my online friends and Simonpalooza a few months later. There were also a group of diabetics that I now call friends here in KC that got together for dinner about once a month or so, but still the stress was incredible.
The thing that I previously mentioned not being able to blog about was getting more and more stressful for me and come holiday time, I was cooked.
Thoughts of suicide again started making themselves heard. Sometimes I think those thoughts are like an addiction, they never really go away once you’ve seriously considered them. I needed help, more than I could get from my online support network, and I was finally ready to ask for it.
Luckily for me, I found Morpheus.
© 2012 Scott Strange, Strangely Diabetic and http://StrangelyDiabetic.com