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Those Next Few Months

The next few months were something of a blur.  I spent the better part of the first two months sick which finally wrapped up with a case of pneumonia. I also attended the JDRF Government Day event in DC talking about adults needing support, blogging and social media, I spent most of that weekend DKA due to a bottle of dubious insulin.

My next endo appointment showed a full percentage point rise in my A1c, luckily I have a great endo as she said “given the circumstances, that doesn’t seem like a problem”.

I was also getting used to the role of caregiver, always being on “point”.  I had been living basically alone for several years, so now having someone else around took some getting used to.  I had set up the basement like it was an apartment, so I had audio monitors in the living room and my bedroom so I could keep an “ear” on things upstairs.

Mom was still very much in the recovery phase from her illnesses, but was getting therapy several times a week and was growing stronger and more confident everyday.  I still worried quite a bit about whether I knew enough to properly care for her and my siblings were helping out during this period as well.

I found myself becoming exhausted after a few months even though I was being something of a slave driver and making mom do as much for herself as possibly could.  Looking back, I believe that was the right approach but at the time I felt guilty (really? me guilty?) about doing so.

I was able to get a few breaks like a fantastic trip to the Friends for Life conference in Orlando where I met so many of my online friends and Simonpalooza a few months later.  There were also a group of diabetics that I now call friends here in KC that got together for dinner about once a month or so, but still the stress was incredible.

The thing that I previously mentioned not being able to blog about was getting more and more stressful for me and come holiday time, I was cooked.

Thoughts of suicide again started making themselves heard.  Sometimes I think those thoughts are like an addiction, they never really go away once you’ve seriously considered them.  I needed help, more than I could get from my online support network, and I was finally ready to ask for it.

Luckily for me, I found Morpheus.

© 2012 Scott Strange, Strangely Diabetic and

  • I’m thankful that you found Morpheus, too.

  • First of all, God bless Morpheus. And tell her thank you for me. Second, I’ve just read this through three times because the timing of all of this just hit me. I think we both stumbled onto the DOC about the same time. And I’m sad that you were going through some of since I’ve known you. I find myself wishing that I could have helped.

    You know what, do you think you could hug Morpheus for me instead? 🙂

  • shannon

    this is one instance i am glad i was so behind on blog reading, so i didn’t have to wait in between posts. it is incredibly brave for you to share your experience here, brutal honesty.

    thank you.

  • Karri

    I really like the blogs I have been reading. I just found this website. Diabetes is a very complicated disease.I don’t think most people understand it. Venting is very good,because you have a lot of the same thoughts.thanks for this blog.