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** yea, I’ll probably say too much this time.  Please read the lyrics from the song Truth by Seether before proceeding…

Part of my struggle now is trying to set realistic expectation on what I am able to accomplish here, on my blog, in social media.  The fact is that there are a number of phenomenal individuals who are able to do social media advocacy work full-time.  It’s not realistic for me to expect to be able to compete with that, even though that is very much the arena I would like to participate in.

I feel some, OK a lot, of responsibility to share what a lifetime with a chronic condition can do to an individual when true support is not available.  So I’ll continue to do that here as best I can with care-taking, kids, work, life.

Recently I’ve really been struggling with what I want to do, indeed how I feel about myself and my place the world.  Apply those song lyrics from Seether to an internal struggle within myself, between Why and Will.  A struggle where I’m beginning to see how I let myself down and how that was inevitable and unfortunately normal given my circumstances.

Though I’m closer to wrong
I’m no further from right

I’m closer to understanding what is “wrong” so to speak and I’m starting to understand what may be my “right”.  Part of what is wrong is isolation.  Not so much being isolated in diabetes any longer, but being isolated now.  Morpheus always seems surprised that I keep showing up but I think what is happening is that is one of my very few points of human contact.  With most of my closest friends living over an hour away and just not being able to really do whatever I want, it has been very easy to withdraw and very difficult to partake.

One of the things that Morpheus pointed out this past week was that most of the things I do to relax are solitary, isolated, lonely.  Movies, TV, reading blogs, computer games…

The deception you show is your own parasite
Just a word of advice you can heed if you like
And now I’m convinced on the inside that something’s wrong with me
Convinced on the inside you’re so much more than me

I’m starting to think  that I might be more than me.  And maybe I will start to be if I can learn to partake once again.

© 2012 Scott Strange, Strangely Diabetic and

  • I will continue to read, listen, and learn when you are able to post. Life is crazy and you have been at this blog a while. I am sure that sometimes the time is there and othertimes there isn’t enough time. (say that 5 times fast – ohh another pun?) I have been lurking in blogs – leaving no trace for a while (irrational fear of the internet and leaving traces of my existance – nevermind my FB account that tells everything for the last 4 years) Anyway – I was reluctant to start a blog because who the heck would care what I thought, said, did. Then I realized I wanted to do it for me. I won’t lie I check to see if anyone has left a comment but it doesn’t bother me if there are none – really absolutely none – and that doesn’t bother me. 🙂 I also worried that my blog would never stack up to blogs like yours and so many others that really just seem to know whats up. I don’t know that I have ever gone all the way back to the beginning of any of the blogs I read to see what those first posts were like. But here you are over two years later – teaching, sharing, supporting and being you. I thank you for it.
    I think my xanax kicked in – big storms coming – Im a very irrational person in storms and I keep a stash of xanax for these occassions. They relax me – maybe make me a bit sappy. 😉
    Cheers friend

    •  Thanks so much, Christina.  I also started my blog to help myself, but realized that my experiences could benefit others and that has helped my stay with it, even though I don’t post on a regular basis. 

      It takes quite a while to get started, but eventually it will and some of the blogs have been out there for a lot longer than the 2 years I’ve been at it… combine that with the vast multitude of diabetes blogs that are out there today and it can be had to be “noticed” so to speak.

  • My best & closest friend is 3 hours away.  So I completely understand how you end up doing so many things alone.  I do have other friends, he is the one I’d rather see a movie with or talk to until 3 in the morning about music & books.

    I hope you start to partake again soon.  🙂