That quote from the 3rd Act of Shakespeare’s King Henry V is talking about valor; about doing things you don’t want to do but must.
I’m not sure if valor really applies to this, but it seems I put myself in the breach way too often. And my breach is depression.
This often happens to me when I get sick, and if you read my last post and have had the chance to read other recent posts, you may have noticed that the last two or three months have been a bit rocky for me. I’ve started really pulling back from people, both on-line and off, and this is one of my surefire tells that I am having a depressive episode.
They happen, I think, not because of stress or illness, instead they occur because I will often stop taking my medications when I get sick or am under a lot of stress. When I have both in play, its a pretty safe bet that I have stopped somewhere along the line.
I’m not talking about insulin or managing my diabetes, I just do that anymore. Tho, to be honest, my language is often a lot more “colorful” than normal.
I’m talking about my blood pressure meds, the ones for my reflux & cholesterol, and most importantly my antidepressants. I look at those bottles in the morning and then just go on like they are not even there. And then, after a week or three, I’ll really start feeling down, which just makes it harder for me to start again. I’ll finally admit to myself what is going on and then get mad at myself because it literally took years to find the right medications and I just stopped for no real reason.
I’m sure there really is a reason of some type, but I’ll be damned if I can figure it out.
Then I get mad at myself again when I realize how far I’ve pulled away; away from friends who would support me, who would help me thru this rocky time.
All I can do is start them again, wait for them to start working again. I don’t want to, but I have to
Hopefully, I won’t be overrun by the French before that happens…
©2011 Scott Strange, Strangely Diabetic and http://StrangelyDiabetic.com