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Once More Into the Breach, Dear Friends

That quote from the 3rd Act of Shakespeare’s King Henry V is talking about valor; about doing things you don’t want to do but must.

I’m not sure if valor really applies to this, but it seems I put myself in the breach way too often. And my breach is depression.

This often happens to me when I get sick, and if you read my last post and have had the chance to read other recent posts, you may have noticed that the last two or three months have been a bit rocky for me.  I’ve started really pulling back from people, both on-line and off, and this is one of my surefire tells that I am having a depressive episode.

They happen, I think, not because of stress or illness, instead they occur because I will often stop taking my medications when I get sick or am under a lot of stress.  When I have both in play, its a pretty safe bet that I have stopped somewhere along the line.

I’m not talking about insulin or managing my diabetes, I just do that anymore.  Tho, to be honest, my language is often a lot more “colorful” than normal.

I’m talking about my blood pressure meds, the ones for my reflux & cholesterol, and most importantly my antidepressants.  I look at those bottles in the morning and then just go on like they are not even there.  And then, after a week or three, I’ll really start feeling down, which just makes it harder for me to start again.  I’ll finally admit to myself what is going on and then get mad at myself because it literally took years to find the right medications and I just stopped for no real reason.

I’m sure there really is a reason of some type, but I’ll be damned if I can figure it out.

Then I get mad at myself again when I realize how far I’ve pulled away; away from friends who would support me, who would help me thru this rocky time.

All I can do is start them again, wait for them to start working again. I don’t want to, but I have to

Hopefully, I won’t be overrun by the French before that happens…

©2011 Scott Strange, Strangely Diabetic and http://StrangelyDiabetic.com

  • Babscampbell

    You are NOT alone, Buddy! Thank you for your transparency and willingness to share the parts of yourself that many will not. Those of us, in the same position, like to know we’re not alone.
    Many hugs to you! Babs

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Babs, I appreciate that

  • Karen

    Thank you for ‘exposing’ your emotions onto the screen.

  • BobPedersen

    Don’t know if it would work for you, but I rely on weekly pill sorters — one each for morning, afternoon, and evening. While I do sometimes put setting them up for a couple of days, this approach works really well for me, because each part of the day has a pill that I need to take to feel good that day.

    Hope things kick in soon for you, friend.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Bob, that’s good advice. I’ve got one, but it’s still packed in a box from the move. I need to dig it out. I only have to take pills in the morning, so I use a large one and can load it up for a month’s worth at a time

  • And so now, perhaps you’ve given someone else the same “boost” to get back to their meds, and so your simple post today has probably aided another.
    Having dealt with an ill dad for several years, I know that helping your mom is a tremendous responsibility, often frustrating and other times, joyous – when you know she truly appreciates you being there.
    Yup, the annoying pill things make it easier. Mine sits right next to the sink so it’s one of the first things I take care of each morning.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Colleen, I blog on topics like this simply for my own sanity; it’d be nice if it could help someone else

  • JaimieH

    valor:…boldness,determination,heroic courage,bravery …

    ummm yes all of the above… /wink … and this post shows it! Thank you for always being very
    honest with us Scott… and devilishly handsome… and cranky! … sending big ((HUGS))

    I often do the same … when things are going well I am in the mix! … when ‘in the depths’ with stress, emotional roller coasters or just plain worried and anxious I pull back and stay in my cave, get pretty quiet, I think I feel like I am being a burden on people when I vent or something, or like the saying goes if you don’t have anything good to say don’t say anything at all?! I know that is not true but I find it hard to see it that way and pull back anyways…then of course I get so mad at myself for not doing everything I know I could be doing for myself and staying away so long from those that WILL support and love me…

    the overwhelming power of the DOC hits home again today with me and this post… I’m not alone… luvva ya!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Jamie, it sounds like we do the same thing at times so ((HUGS)) back!

  • Very brave post Scott. It is all too familiar, and while it is always different for everyone, I can relate a little bit to what you’re going through.

    Get back on your meds, be patient, and before you know it you’ll be back to your cranky self!

    Much love brother!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Scott, I appreciate it.

  • thanks for sharing, scott. your honesty is very moving. like babs said, you are not alone! hang in there!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Jess. You know, I’ve found the best thing I can do is be honest with myself. If I can’t do that then the rest just seems a little meaningless

  • Hey Scott
    This is another incredibly brave and honest post. I consider myself so lucky to have met you. You atre an inspiration not only because of your life experience and diabetes but also because of your integirty and iopenness with the struggles of daily life.
    You are missed by so many of us when not around but never forgotten. Your wit and devilish good looks have pulled me and so many others in and as a good friend of mine once said….once you’re in you can never get out.
    As you know I am plannning a visit to the US later this year or early next….don’t make me come looking for you now…I have sharp syringes and I know how to use them.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Simon. I hope I get a chance to meet you when you make it across the pond!