» 2011 » January Strangely Diabetic

Diabetes as a Dark Comedy

January 26, 2011 — Scott

** This post and the comments look unusual because I managed to nuke my blog and had to recover these posts from the google cache, this was the only way that I could find to also preserve the great comments.

** Today’s topic brought to you by a crossword puzzle answer. I have received no compensation for this post. And seriously, who’d compensate me for this crap anyway?

If someone could truly capture diabetes as a movie, I think it would simply have to be a comedy, a dark one, but a comedy none the less.

Where else could you get a few quotes like these that totally make sense?

Crap! I’m high again. Takin’ another frakkin’ hit

No, I’m not ‘happy’ to see you. That is my pump. No, not that kind of pump.

Nobody loves me but my meter and it could be jivin’ too!

Every day we are literally faced with making critical decisions that can have tragic consequences if we get choose wrong. But we do them day-in-day out for months, years, decades. I don’t see how we can’t see some humor in all of this. Personally, I have to or I would probably go insane… err… hush, all of you!

Even when we are pissed as effing hell at the whole effing thing, there will be something that you’ve done that is funny when you look back at it. If you’ve been low, it is almost guaranteed to be slapstick. If you’re high? Well how about this?

CGMS alarm goes off with a high alarm and after you clear the alarm and put the device away, it alarms again asking for a calibration. Said calibration reading from meter matches pump exactly. Enter reading into CGMS and put device away. Device then immediately alarms again that you are high so you have to pull it out and clear it and say “No shit”. All within 1 minute.

** Hmmm that might make a decent Olympic event. **

I mean seriously, I could totally see Curly from the Three Stooges slapping himself in the face every time he had to pull it out. I find mine likes to squawk at me most when it is in the most awkward to reach place; like in the car, clipped to your belt under your winter coat and pinned to you by the seat-belt.

Then the soundtrack… I Want a New Drug by Huey Lewis and the News? The list would be endless I’m sure. Wonder if Weird Al’s Eat It! could find a home?

The merchandising would be amazing! Fake infusion sets, pumps and careful instructions on how to properly attach it all so you are guaranteed to catch it on a door knob. The best part is that the “pump” is very fragile and as it is ripped off your body by said door knob, it will break.

This will of course open up a huge market for spare parts. All brought together by a byzantine labyrinth of a storefront that makes getting insurance approvals for a CGMS look like buying a diet coke at the corner market!

I swear the opportunities are endless!

But seriously, at least as seriously as I can be taken at this point, how can we get through all the craptastiscal stuff we deal with on a daily basis without trying to laugh every day? I know if I’m bitching about something, someone tossing a joke in can certainly take the edge off.

So, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find something to laugh at. Don’t make me stop this blog and come over there! I will you know!!

Thanks for playing along and get off my grass!

Scott

Today’s snarky comment: I have a t-shirt that reads: “This is the shirt that I wear when I don’t care”. I am wearing it now.

10 Comments

Michael Hoskins says:

January 26, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Fun post, Scott! Always gotta keep it real with some humor, and love the references to the Stooges and all else here. I’d be one of the first to buy the Stooge-staged pump tubing… but I’d probably get the two mixed up an that would be even more crazy. Thanks for the laughs, my friend.

Reply
- Scott says:
  
  January 26, 2011 at 10:44 pm
  
  Mike, I love the Stooges, Abbott & Costello.. lord, old black and white movies are just wonderful!
  
  Reply
sysy says:

January 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm

LOL this is so funny! I totally agree, too! I was just remembering the time I didn’t want to sit out of a soccer match and so I signaled a friend to throw me candy from the sidelines. It’s a miracle I didn’t choke… I can still see my coach’s face as he watched me chew a bunch of gummy bears while sprinting down the field after the ball. What makes it worse/funnier for me now is I think I was drooling and swallowing whole gummies just to hurry up and feel better again.

Reply
- Scott says:
  
  January 26, 2011 at 10:43 pm
  
  Oh lord.. my daughter played soccer for a few years and the image of her running a soccer ball down the field with gummy drool is just too much! ROFLMAO
  
  Reply
Sarah says:

January 26, 2011 at 10:20 pm

You’re so right about all of it. There’s so much ridiculous-ness in the crazy we call survival…all we can do is giggle, most times. Thanks for writing this.

Reply
- Scott says:
  
  January 26, 2011 at 10:43 pm
  
  I take pride in trying to giggle at the most inappropriate time possible
  
  Reply
Kelly Young says:

January 26, 2011 at 11:17 pm

For the last 2 weeks, all I can do is shrug (who am I kidding? I can’t shrug!) and say, “It is a comedy of errors.” It’s almost like I’m trying to laugh in Murphy’s face. I don’t dare ask, “What else could go wrong?” LOL. Laughing, even with a suspiciously dark sentiment, is sometimes all we’ve got – especially when our bodies have turned on us so dramaticallly.

Reply
- Scott says:
  
  January 27, 2011 at 12:04 pm
  
  you know, when I get to the “It was a comedy of errors” point, I often think that it was more like a train wreck that I just couldn’t stop watching
  
  Reply
Simon says:

January 27, 2011 at 6:52 am

So if I don’t find something to laugh at are you seriously coming….I know what you’re thinking…was that 5 or 6 (or 15000) miles…and me being the most honest blogger in the world….You’ve got to ask yourself one question…Do I fly Qantas or AA, well which one..PUNK?

Reply
- Scott says:
  
  January 27, 2011 at 12:05 pm
  
  I’m an American so I ain’t flying with no damn teddy bears on my plane, Punk!
  
  Reply

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You See Me Now a Veteran…

January 20, 2011 — Scott

That’s the opening line from a song called Veteran Of The Psychic Wars performed by Blue Oyster Cult. I first heard that song on the soundtrack of a movie called Heavy Metal from 1981. That soundtrack, BTW, is an excellent metal album, lots of great music on it.

Now let me explain why I am talking about it. Last night here in Kansas City, we had a pretty good snowfall and my 15 minute drive home took me over an hour. So I took the time to plug the iPhone into the car stereo and fire it up, all while driving with one knee, of course.

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that I’ve started listening to music again and actually enjoying it, it’s been a long time since I’ve really done that. I was in the mood for some rock and this was the second or third song that played. There are some songs that seem to have a theme, usually a dark one, that I find applicable to diabetes. This is one of those songs.

Like this line from the first verse:

And I’m young enough to look at

and far too old to see

When I heard that, the thought immediately came to mind was that is exactly how it is when trying to truly explain diabetes. People can see me, talk to me, know me; but still not truly see what my life entails.

Now read the second verse

You ask me why I’m weary

Why I can’t speak to you

You blame me for my silence

Say it’s time I changed and grew

But the war’s still going on, dear

And there’s no end that I know

And I can’t say if we’re ever

I can’t say if we’re ever gonna be free

How applicable is that to the burnout so many of us have felt lately? We know how difficult it is to explain diabetic burnout to those outside the community.

Now from the last verse

My energy is spent at last

And my armor is destroyed

I have used up all my weapons

And I’m helpless and bereaved

Wounds are all I’m made of

Did I hear you say that this is victory

I sometimes wonder how much armor I have left. And then I hear someone say “It’s easily controllable” or “You can reverse that, you know” and there are days I just don’t have the energy to say anything. And, while insulin is an awesome win for us, I just don’t see it as the victory we really need.

But, that all being said, I’m actually starting to feel better about things. Still have to get things packed and decide what goes into storage, what gets tossed and what gets moved. The support from the DOC has simply been amazing, as usual!

Thanks for stopping by and here’s a little rock send off!

Scott

Today’s snarky comment: You guys ain’t bad, but you ain’t no Blünt Lancet

3 Comments

Bob P says:

January 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Odd…as soon as I saw the tweeted title of your post, I thought of this song. Very, very interesting.

Reply
Jess says:

January 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Scott-

What a powerful post! I’m a big music person too, and i love the lyrics you shared. They really express things we all feel very beautifully.

I’m glad you feel supported by the DOC–we’re all here for you! And since I’m close, if there’s anything I can help you with in person, just let me know.

Reply
Kim says:

January 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Rock on, dude.

Glad to hear you’re on the up and up – and thanks for introducing me to a song I didn’t know about. (But I HAD heard of Heavy Metal – so there!)

Reply

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Well… at least my endo is happy

January 5, 2011 — Scott

First of all I want to thank all of my DOC family who thought I was worthy to win a DOC award and for gifting me with the “Blogger You’d Share a Drink With” Award. Honestly, winning this category against some very deserving DOC members has been quite an honor for me. It makes me feel that I am actually having a positive effect in the DOC and I hope I can continue to live up to that. Again, thank you all and congrats to all of the other the well-deserved winners and candidates

I blogged last time about the burnout I was going thru and how I wasn’t really looking forward to my upcoming endo appointment and what I was sure was going to be an unpleasant rise in my A1c. I feared this because I felt my numbers were less than stable and I was seeing way too many highs.

It turns out I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

My Dexcom spilled it’s guts. I’ve never named my devices, but I may start calling it Narc instead of What the Eff? It showed less than 1% under 50, 4% under 80. A standard deviation of 52 (last time I looked at that, it was around 80). And an A1c of 6.1% So things are actually going pretty well on the D-front overall.

The one thing that is odd is my basal/bolus ratio. I am at 20% basal, 80% bolus. The issues I am having result from using some of my bolus insulin doses to help cover things that basal rates should cover. So, I’m doing basal testing. which it seems I have been doing pretty much constantly since I started Symlin. One other thing I think may be happening is that the Apidra is lasting closer to 4hrs as opposed to 3.

But I am still burned out. Why? Because there is so much more to living than just living with diabetes.

At work, a big project is ramping up and being burnt out hasn’t helped my motivation to get the stuff done I need to get done. But work isn’t why I’m burnt out. Why? Because there is so much more to living than just living with diabetes and working for the suits.

I usually try not to blog about family issues, but they are part of life and can effect everything.

Some of you may know that my mom has been having some health issues over the last few months. After several months, we have a definite diagnosis: Multi-Infarct Dementia. All my siblings have been here over the holidays and, if you don’t know, that diagnosis has required us to have discussions about end-of-life topics. The doctor wants us to get Hospice involved as soon as we can as it will be better for her. The longer she knows these people, the more support she will have. It’s as much emotional support as it is medical.

It’s been disturbing hearing Mom, someone who has always been there, discuss how she wants “things” to go. Who she would like to get what items. Having to read Living Wills, DNR’s, Durable Power of Attorneys, and discuss legal Guardianships.

I’m actually going to be moving out there so I can at least be there overnight; helping as I can even if it is nothing more than to give an ear when it has been a rough day. One of my sister’s has pretty much lived there since last May with other sibs helping as much as they can, staying sometimes for weeks at a time. We’re looking for someone who can come and be with her during the day

Mom is 87 years old and was married for 59 years to a US Army Command Sergeant Major who passed 10 years ago. She’s been living by herself for the most part doing the things that needed to be done. She grew up during the Great Depression and, honestly, is tough as nails.

So I am a bit distracted now; but I’m still planning on increasing my advocacy efforts, especially adult T1 outreach programs with the JDRF.

But I will continue to deal with the things that need to be dealt with. That is my parent’s legacy to me. To be self-reliant, independent, to live with diabetes as simply a part of my life.

Diabetes will not be my legacy.

Hopefully, mine will match theirs.

I love you all and thank you for being a part of this journey I’m on to learn how to live again

Scott

24 Comments

George says:

January 5, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I never had the opportunity with my dad since he died instantly and at such a young age but I hope there will be a day when I will have the honor of taking care of my mother.

I kills me now to think about it but I know that day will come.

Take care Scott, I think about you and your family often and pray comfort and peace surround you.

- Scott says:

January 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Thank you George. This was the first post that I have ever written that brought tears to my eyes. And your caring reply brought them back.

I’m glad to count you as one of my family.

Simon says:

January 6, 2011 at 3:29 am

Straight from the heart and to the heart Scott.

Your honesty and openness is what makes you the icon of the OC you are, I hope and pray it may bring you closer to your mother and family in this difficult time.

Thank you for just being you,witty larger than life, and an inspiration to so many.

- Scott says:

January 6, 2011 at 10:53 am

Thanks Simon, I really appreciate that

Scott S says:

January 6, 2011 at 8:40 am

Scott, I think dealing with parents’ ailments can sometimes tougher than it would be with children because it just doesn’t seem right when they were there to care for us all our lives — it seems strange. A number of years ago, my mother had some major surgery and we weren’t sure she would survive, which put things into a new perspective for me. You should deal with family first, and not really worry about other commitments unless time permits. We all understand.

- Scott says:

January 6, 2011 at 10:55 am

Thanks, Scott and you’re absolutely correct on that it doesn’t seem “right”

Sarah says:

January 6, 2011 at 8:55 am

Hugs to you, my friend. Don’t worry about venting about anything outside of diabetes – we’re here for you. You’re family, and we care about you beyond your diabetes.

- Scott says:

January 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Thanks, Sarah. I knew that, but it’s certainly nice to hear

Lorraine says:

January 6, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I’m so sorry for all you are going through Scott. If there is anything I can do, tell me. Don’t ask, just tell.

All things considered those are some amazingly incredible results! Great for you!

- Scott says:

January 6, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Thanks so much Lorraine, I really appreciate it!

Colleen says:

January 6, 2011 at 6:05 pm

It’s hard, Scott. My dad was in a similar situation (retired Army, also) and it was tough. When he died, I was so extremely grateful that I’d been there through the years during his illness. It is wonderful that you can be there with her, and with your family to share in the care. It’s difficult, but it’s worth every moment, even the tough moments. And the great moments will be wonderful memories for you.
And the D-OC was wonderfully supportive as I coped with dad and my new diabetes.

- Scott says:

January 7, 2011 at 11:08 am

Thanks Colleen. You’re right it is hard at times, but I’m glad that I’m able to be there for her

Tina says:

January 6, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Scott I am so sorry. My mom has been near death many times in her short life. I know how you are feeling. I wish I had some magic words that could bring you peace but words are not enough in these times. I think the saving grace is that she can take part in the decision making. I am sure that gives her peace of mind.
In place of being able to actually sit down and share a beer with you I will ask that you get one pop it open and imagine all of sitting with you, laughing joking and letting you vent. Dude it’s your blog you get to write about whatever you want. I personally glad you let out what’s going on. Hold that shit in and your A1c will go up to a 9. Oh and 6.1? You are my idol!!!

- Scott says:

January 7, 2011 at 11:11 am

Thanks Tina, I think mom is happier knowing that she’s laying things out about how she wants it and I’m glad she can participate.

I’ll pop that beer this evening!

Oh, and if I’m going to be your idol; I’ll need a theme song.. maybe Blunt Lancet can perform it

Kelly Rawlings says:

January 6, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Even while you didn’t feel especially in control, pretty darn impressive how on-target your blood sugars ended up being!

Thank you (and the rest of your family) for taking such good care of your mother.

Helping others when they need it the most, nearing the end of life, is the essence of what is best about humans and always makes the world a better place.

- Scott says:

January 7, 2011 at 11:13 am

Thanks Kelly. I think you are absolutely right

Cherise says:

January 8, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Scott-

I am sorry to hear about your mom. Even though my Mom can be a pain in the butt I couldn’t and can’t possibly imagine having to go through what you are going through right now. I will keep you, your mom and family in my prayers and I applaud you for still being able to support and help people with diabetes through this time.

- Scott says:

January 12, 2011 at 9:57 am

Thanks Cherise!

Brad Boyd says:

January 16, 2011 at 8:26 am

Scott,

We go way back- Salt Creek Valley! I didn’t remember you having siblings. I was diagnosed with type I in 1976- right after we moved on to post at Ft. Leavenworth. Sorry to hear about your Mom. It’s all related- mental health/physical health.

Any ideas how to quit being a “brittle” diabetic?

- Scott says:

January 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Hi Brad! That was way back! My sibs are all alot older than I am, the next younger is 14 years older than I and had graduated high school before I even started.

As far as being brittle, that’s a loaded question… What defines “brittle” to you? I’m not a doctor, but what is your treatment regimen now? Pumping, shots? If you are pumping, do you make your own adjustment to basal rates and other settings as you see things changing? Are you seeing an endo or working with your family doc?

The biggest thing I have found that helped me level out my numbers, besides starting a pump. is trying to be as consistent day-to-day as I can. I know it is not always possible to do that, but once you have a good baseline of how your body responds to carbs/exercise on an average day; you can start looking at how certain foods affect your sugars and how to properly adjust dosages for it.

Nice to hear from you again!

- - Brad Boyd says:

January 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Brittle was a term I hadn’t heard in relation to diabetes until my doctor used it to describe my oscillating blood sugars. They were pretty regular back in the day when I used Regular and NPH insulin. For the last 10 or 15 years I’ve used Novolog during the day and Lantus at night. I pretty much eat the same thing every day and try to keep the same routine of diet/exercise. I’ll have to ask my doctor about a pump. Is a glucometer wired in to the pump?

- - - Brad Boyd says:

January 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Forgot to mention…my doctor is an endocrinologists.

- - - - Scott says:

January 16, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Before I pumped, I was on Lantus and it was causing a lot of my problems. My basal rates vary so much during the day, that there was no way I could really control my numbers without a pump. I know some people split their doses, but I never tried that so don’t know how that would work. Something to talk with your doc about. There are also 12 hour insulins that might give you better results than Lantus.

Currently, most pumps have a meter that communicates wirelessly with it. In the US, the 3 major players are Animas, Minimed, and Omnipod. If you read some of the various sites, you find plenty of opinions on all three, lol.

There are also Continuos Glucose Monitoring Systems (CGMS) that are used to primarily measure your glucose trends on a constant basis. Based on your insurance, you can probably get your endo to fit you with one for a week and have some trends to look at, though that might be worth more after you have been pumping for a few months, based on my experiences. Insurance companies are still, often times, reluctant to approve these devices. The two major players are Dexcom and Minimed in the CGMS market. I’ve worn both, I prefer the Dexcom since the Minimed tech didn’t work for me, tho it does quite well for other people.