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Unexpected Effects

I feel the need to write this, but I am more than hesitant to post it.

As I’ve gotten more and more involved with the online community and advocacy, I’ve had many people tell me that I am an inspiration, 40 years diabetic and no major complications.  That, by hearing of my experiences, even the not too pleasant ones, that I give them hope that they or their loved ones can also achieve a long, healthy life.

You know the commercials that show inventors and the disclosure that “their results are not typical”?  I’m like that.  I mean it seriously; there were entire decades when I didn’t take proper care of myself.  And yet, here I sit.  Certainly not a “typical result”.

I was amazed at my own reaction to my Diabetes Art Day “artwork”.   I don’t understand why some D-clocks seem to run faster than others.  It certainly isn’t fair.

Ever since I drew that simple picture, the song Save Me by Shinedown has been running thru my head.   It has always resonated with me, especially the second verse.

How did I get here
And what went wrong
Couldn’t handle forgiveness
Now I’m far beyond gone
And I can hardly remember
The look of my own eyes
How could I love this
A life so dishonest
It made me compromise

I’ve touched on survivor’s guilt before, I think it’s time to forgive myself for surviving.